flood

So there I was on a coffee break, chatting with some friends.
my fellow nicotine junkiest that is.

in a fire escape on the16th floor
under the no smoking sign, no wait.
that would be,

under the 1000 bucks fine sign board.

So hows hour holiday?

pretty okay, why?

boy you sure missed a lot of things

like what?

and a riot of laughter fills the air.

Orchard got fucked

feel and be

I am the light who dwells in the night,
i am the darkness that traps in daylight madness.
i am a Saint and Satan and something in between.
I am the pain of penetration yet i am the pleasure of orgasmic ejaculation.
i am the maple leaf that turns redishing and i am the seedling green sprout of spring.
i dont know who i am and what ive became.
it is love, i simply feel and be.

Bali, June 19th 01.

Our changes

During my first week assignment in Singapore I was living in hell, everything moved so damn fast on this island. I woke up early automatically, even way early than my roommate from swiss the country of punctuality. Take the bus at 7:30 hit to queenstown alight at tanjung pagar then walk to my office lunch at 2 dinner at 7 then went home at 9 if I’m lucky. A lot different from my previous life, change a lot.

During these days a friend of mine said goodbye to me. A very good friend indeed, we went to the same junior and senior high together, bad boys for life. From this insensitive heart of mine I thought it was just another holiday. He went to china for a few days of getaway. And that was it. Our last conversation, I hope I’m wrong.

During those growing up process between watching porn and chemistry lab we are unseparatable, we talked till late at night in a mosque watching the men raised their sarongs during their wudlu, then giggled just by watching their fuzzy hairs on their legs, yeah I know it’s silly.

Time flies as the notorious metro mini altered into somewhat more sophisticated. Nasi uduk altered into a cup of coffee and a bun of Danish roll. People change?

Changes derive from many factors, friends, family, lifestyle, or even boredom?

Endless text messages and emails with no reply, silent over me while you gladly greet your friends on countless social network -well just a few. New life new friends everythings new, i hardly recognize you. Our works stole our time, but not our soul? Lifestyle differ from the past, who am i kidding with?

If you asked me, I would love to eat meatballs again in jl. Pramuka, and I can still have nasi uduk in Singapore although they call it nasi lemak. Do we need to change?

I was viewing the construction site across aljunied where the Indian guys were sweaty and yummy doing the site. I smiled, thinking that you might enjoy this view. Facebook is on, as I scroll down your uploaded pictures and carefully read your friend’s comments on your trip to south Africa watching the world cup.

We got separated miles away but it’s not my fault, obviously you got a bigger pay slip than me but I’m not complaining. We have new friends but don’t you miss me?

We don’t have to change, and I don’t wanna change. So what’s your excuse?

miss home

I found a spot in a beach last week, reminds me of my parent's beach house in ujung kulon where i used to dig up fossils from the krakatau explosion. i guess i miss home after all

A tale of Shade of Grays

it is written beautifully by Ethan at shades of gray. the story is an image of my feelings towards life....

I met the most adorable couple today. Peter and George. They’ve been together for 47 years. George is in a wheelchair. Peter takes care of him. He cooks for him, cuts his steak for him. He helps him up the stairs.

They’re still in love. Not like all over each other in love. Old people in love. The way you finish each other’s sentences in love. The way you tease each other in love. The way you roll your eyes at each other in love.

I was introduced to George and Peter through my friend Justin. Justin’s my hairdresser. He’s straight. He’s been my hairdresser for 16 years. Really. My brother took me to Justin’s for my 18th birthday. I’m 34 now. Almost 35. I guess that means I know Justin almost 17 years. That’s a long time.

I love Justin. He’s family. Justin loves me too. Says I’m special. I don’t think I’m special, though it’s nice to hear.

Anyway. Back to George and Peter. They invited Justin and me to brunch at the Lowell Hotel. Have you ever been to the Lowell Hotel? It’s up on 63rd and Madison. It’s beautiful. Old. Classy. Foie gras and caviar kind of classy. Beluga. I actually had the foie gras. It was amazing. Like butter. Didn’t have the Beluga. Fish eggs. Yuck.

We went on a walk after brunch. Me, Justin, Peter, George. Justin pushed George’s wheelchair. I walked along with Peter. We walked and walked and walked. We walked until we stepped right into the Central Park Zoo. We saw seals. Polar bears too. Then we sat on a bench, watched people go by. We watched and watched and watched and watched. It was one of those perfect days. Sunny, clear, like God was in a good mood. We sat there watching. We watched until Peter said it was time for George to take a nap.

Justin, me, Peter, George then walked back to their apartment, helped George up the stairs. Wheelchair was heavy. I wondered how Peter and George manage when Justin’s not around. I said my good-byes, then took the E-train back to Chelsea.

On the train, I turned on my ipod. Then smiled all the way back home.

I met the cutest couple today. 47 years. Perfect. Like God was in a good mood.

If tomorrow starts without me

have decided that when I die i want to be buried next to my ancestor in Jogjakarta,
with Frank Sinatra tuning in the background singing I did it my way
and David Romano's stuff to be read before they take me 6 feet under

If tomorrow starts without me, and I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things we didn't get to say.
I know how much you care for me, and how much I care for you,
And each time that you think of me you know I miss you too;

But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand,
But as I turned to walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all life, I'd always thought I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for and so much yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had it's through.

If I could relive yesterday, I thought, just for a while,
I'd say goodbye and hug you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be,
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things that I'd miss come tomorrow.
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.

So if tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, please know you’re in my heart.

Happy silence day

Natural drugs

On a Saturday morning, a list of 45 things that really make u happy...

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15 The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they LOVE you
19 Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Makiig new friends or spending time with old ones.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trip with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

finding the silver lining

Clouds may come, but clouds must go, and they all have a silver lining. For behind each cloud you know, the sun, or moon, is shining.

infidelity

Good relationship don’t need any promise, terms or condition,

It Needs Two wonderful people,

One who can trust and One who can Understand that Trust

If you can’t, be a pencil to write the Happiness. Then try at least to be a nice rubber to erase someone’s sorrow

I always feel happy because I don’t expect anything from any one

Expectations really hurt us, or shall I say; me!

I am not crazy for sex,

Never play with the Feelings of other’s because you may win the game but you’ll lose the battle

Surely lose the friend of your life…